Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
