fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
