Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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