update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
