hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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