I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
