can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
