The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
