Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
