They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
