Joe is yelling at the trees again.
if only i could text you this smell
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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