some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
