She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
