i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i need some magic done to my vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
