I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
