We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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