He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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