so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
