We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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