we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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