Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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