I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
