I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
