I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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