I wish they made helmets for livers.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
