I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
