found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
