You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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