The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
