Screwed.edu
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
