is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
