I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
