I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Randomize
