I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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