I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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