he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
