Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
