just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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