By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
