While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
