I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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