Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
