Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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