He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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