dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
