I'm sorry my penis didn't work
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Dignity is for republicans.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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