You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
