you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize