so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
