I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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