The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
