Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
