she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
