My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
