I just made out with a guy for $7.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
