Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
