i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
