i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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