I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
