I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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