My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
