Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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