i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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