just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
