We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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