Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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