so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
