..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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