just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
