I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
