Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i permit you to call me
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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