I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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