do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
