once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
