I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
