haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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