need another drink. this is the easiest way
Apparently you make a good broom.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
