It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
